House party.

I'd either be the best house-party host or the worst.
Here's how I'm planning it, I'll book a few shoegaze/folk bands.
And we will all drink tea and play scrabble.
Then as the bands play, instead of a mosh pit, there will be a cuddle pit.

We're driving to take a walk.

The wind presses against my face, but your shoulder presses against mine so it's okay.
I take my boots off and I take my wool socks off and I roll my pants up and I wade in the freezing river as the water all rushes to pass by me. Everything is on it's way. I cannot stand there for long, it's too cold and I must be on my way.

In the spring we'll take long meanders and draw with chalk on the sidewalk, but this will do for now.

30 mph northeast winds.

What am I left with and what have I given up for what I have? Dependability is a pretty word, but so is freedom.

I see everything coming but only after it's happened.

Disenchantment sounds nice when it's rolling off your tongue, but so cold when it's ringing through your ears.

Long winter. My toes are cold and I get dizzy when I stand up, not even the most heartbreakingly beautiful music I know can make it better because a song is something from someone's head and life is what you get when everything from everyone's head comes out or stays in and gets jumbled and lost and lonely which are three words that describe my state of mind.

I want hugs and I want people to snuggle with me on the carpet wearing Renee's footie pajamas. Preferably everyone I know in the one pair of pajamas. At one time. Please.

The wind from the lake brings everything to me then takes everything away too soon. I want things to stay the same but I want them to be better and I want to stop being so naive.

Idon'tknowIdon'tknowIdon'tknow.
I just want to be home. I just want everyone to be home.

I'm really worried. It hurts to stand up. It hurts not to talk.
He'sokayHe'sokayHe'sokayHe'sokay.
Right?
Right.RightRight.
Right?

The rain cleanses everything.
But when it's cold, the snow just buries it.

I'm happy for them, I'm happy for me.

It makes me feel better to hang out with them. They are so good together. Sometime I forget that things like that happen. Two good people can be together, and be happy, and make everyone else happy. Things like that happen.

Everything is so terrifying and everything is so beautiful.
Come be scared with me.

In this too-big world.

I went to the lake, a spot where I'd be able to see the water and the mountains if the sun was out. On my way back I held out my hand and imagined it was in yours and I felt warmer.

"Accept lostness forever." It's something that I'm not very good at, but I'm trying.