Just needin' to put it all out there so maybe it'll all get outta my head...

There was this night up in Burlington, I was at a friend's apartment. And we were all just sitting and chilling on their front steps, it started off as a decent night. But there was a bike propped up against the porch, so I borrowed it. Just riding down the street on a spring night, it was one of the most beautiful experiences of my life, every twist or bump on the sidewalk felt so right, the cold wind rang through my hair and through my bones as I went for blocks, occasionally noticing how the stars were out. For a moment, I had convinced myself that I was never going to turn around, take that bike to canada, or new hampshire, wherever these empty streets took me. Why are my favorite moments always associated with the idea of escaping into the unknown, even as I know I'm never going to go through with it. Am I that unhappy with my life? I haven't thought like that for a long time. 

Maybe it's just the idea of possibility, you are presented with one question in the moment. And you get to choose. Free will made so concise and clear as it's just that one moment and that once choice and everything is under your control and within reach.

I have not not been cold for at least 48 hours now and I'm startin' to get sick of it. 

I once heard that "An id is a terrible thing to waste."

...and y'know, the super-ego can be overrated. Trips us up, makes us overanalyze what's only natural.  I think I need a bit more id in my life.

Because, y'know, this life ain't for nothing. Except it kinda is.

There are some trees near the library on campus, I tried climbing them today. People looked at me funny. People do not climb trees or lie on hills watching clouds around these parts apparently. It's honestly really upsetting. 

I always seem to wake up with new cuts and bruises for years now, just about every day and I have scarcly an idea where they come from. To wit, John Updike: "If we keep utterly still we will suffer no wear and tear and will never die."

At least if I'm degenerating that means I'm living. Right?